Key & Peele – Black Ice

Key & Peele – Black Ice


[dramatic music] – GOOD EVENING, ST. PAUL. IT’S YOUR CITY NEWS AT 5:00.
I’M JAMIE THRONEBURG. – AND I’M MARCY WHITCHURCH. WINTER WEATHER ADVISORIES
ARE IN EFFECT ACROSS CENTRAL MINNESOTA
TONIGHT. WITH MORE ON THAT,
WEATHERMAN ISAAC LABUDA. ISAAC. – THANKS, MARCY. A MAJOR SYSTEM
IS ZIPPING ACROSS THE REGION. OUTSIDE TEMP RIGHT NOW,
8 DEGREES, BUT IT FEELS LIKE 20 BELOW. JAMIE. – WELL, STAY OFF THE ROADS
IF YOU CAN, FOLKS. LOTS OF REPORTS
OF BLACK ICE. – OOH, YOU GOT TO WATCH OUT
FOR THAT DANGEROUS BLACK ICE. IT’S TRANSPARENT AND SNEAKY.
HARD TO SEE BLACK ICE. – THAT’S RIGHT, MARCY. KEEP YOUR LOVED ONES SAFE
AND WARN THEM TO STAY OFF THE STREET
TONIGHT BECAUSE OF MENACING,
LIFE-ROBBING BLACK, BLACK ICE. – ISAAC. – WE HAVE CHANNEL 17’S
FIELD REPORTER, DARREN HEPNER, WITH MORE. DARREN? – YEAH… I’M STANDING OUT HERE
AT HISTORIC RAMSEY HILL, WHERE THERE ARE CURRENTLY
NO CARS ON THE STREET DUE TO, UH… HAZARDOUS
DRIVING CONDITIONS. – DARREN, ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT BLACK ICE? – THAT’S RIGHT. – OOH, JEEZ,
IT’S FRIGHTENING JUST TO EVEN SAY
“BLACK ICE.” – IT’S SCARY, TRICKY,
RUTHLESS STUFF, THAT BLACK ICE. A PERFECTLY SAFE NEIGHBORHOOD
CAN BE SUDDENLY TERRORIZED BY THE APPEARANCE
OF BLACK ICE. – WELL, ONE MUST
KEEP IN MIND THAT, JUST BECAUSE BLACK ICE
LOOKS DIFFERENT THAN WHITE ICE, IT DOESN’T MAKE IT
ANY MORE DANGEROUS. ALSO, ONE MUST REMEMBER HOW HARD IT IS
FOR BLACK ICE TO SURVIVE, WHAT WITH THE AUTHORITIES
TRYING TO DESTROY IT WITH THE SNOW PLOWS
AND SALT TRUCKS, BUT BLACK ICE PERSEVERES. – UH-HUH, THAT’S RIGHT.
THAT’S RIGHT. AND AS YOU CAN SEE
RIGHT NOW, THE CITY
IS BEING CONTROLLED BY LOTS
OF OPPRESSIVE WHITE SNOW, MAKING IT HARD
FOR ALL PEOPLE TO ADVANCE. AND WE DON’T HEAR
MUCH “NEWS” ABOUT THAT, NOW, DO WE? – NO, WE DO NOT! – WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
BROTHER DARREN. – BUT LET’S BE HONEST–
BLACK ICE IS THE REAL MENACE. LAST NIGHT I WAS IN
A PERFECTLY SAFE NEIGHBORHOOD, WALKING AWAY
FROM AN A.T.M. MACHINE, WHEN BLACK ICE
JUST SNUCK UP ON ME AND PRACTICALLY ROBBED ME
OF MY BALANCE. – OUCH. THAT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE
SOMETHING BLACK ICE WOULD DO. – WELL, I JUST HOPE THAT FOLKS
WATCH OUT SO THE WHITE SNOW DOESN’T BLIND THEM
AND KEEP THEM FROM SEEING WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON. – ALL I’M SAYING
IS I CAN’T THINK OF A SINGLE CHRISTMAS SONG
ABOUT BLACK ICE. LOTS OF CHEERFUL, UPLIFTING
SONGS ABOUT SNOW, SO… – [laughs]
WELL… FOR THE RECORD, BLACK ICE
NEVER ASKED TO BE OUT HERE. – NO, IT DID NOT! – IT’S A PRODUCT
OF THE ENVIRONMENT. – OOH, HALLELUJAH! – IN FACT, BLACK ICE
DIDN’T LAND ON THE ROAD. THE ROAD
LANDED ON BLACK ICE! – WHOO! AMEN! – OKAY. NEXT UP, WHY IS AMERICA
BEING RUINED BY BLACK PEOPLE? [tense music]

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